Please Stop Trying to Achieve Work-Life Balance

I'm often asked how to achieve work-life balance.

From women who spend their days running their own businesses, to moms who care for others, to men giving their all at their jobs, it’s a topic that comes up frequently. 

The busy people asking this believe that if they can just figure out how to achieve this balance, they’ll be less overwhelmed, they’ll eliminate guilt and they’ll be happier. 

If you’re one of these busy people, know that you’re not alone…

This question always brings up mixed feelings for me.  And my response always highlights these three points:

First, know that nothing is ever truly in balance…at least not for long.  Striving for sustained balance can be a futile effort. 

Secondly, work is part of your life.  It’s not a separate piece of you.  Just like mothering, grocery shopping, doing laundry, reading and going on vacation.  It’s something that requires your time and energy, just like everything else in life.

And third, what you're likely searching for is more joy and fulfillment.

If you’ve been trying to put work and life into separate buckets and working to make them stay in balance, you’re likely living in frustration and disappointment. 

If you’re tired of living in this frustration and disappointment, I invite you to adopt a different approach. 

Get rid of the buckets.  Stop putting the activities of your life into categories and trying to even them all out.

Instead, adopt a simpler approach.  Spend time every. single. day. doing things that (a) bring you joy and that (b) make other people's days better.

This can look like all sorts of things:

• Holding the door for a stranger
• Giving a speech to 1000 people that inspires them to be better listeners
• Sitting with a friend during her chemo treatment
• Shutting the door to the noise of the outside world to do the deep work of completing and submitting the year-end report your boss is waiting for then leaving at 5 to stop at the grocery store then go home and make dinner for your family
• Being silent for 3 minutes, meditating or praying
• Smiling at the bus driver when he drops off your children this afternoon
• Saying yes to extra work for two years so you can go on that trip to Antarctica that you’ve been dreaming of for a very long time
• Leaving the laundry until Monday because you just didn’t feel like doing it over the weekend and you have plenty of clothes to wear
• Walking the beaches for your morning fitness and picking up trash along the way (also known as plogging)

There are countless opportunities to find joy and fulfillment in each day.  And there are just as many opportunities to make the world a better place.  They don’t have to be grand gestures.  They don’t have to cost money.  They don’t even have to happen every day... (because I know some days are challenging and some seasons of life are devastating). 

When you spend your days focusing on achieving these two things, something shifts.  Something that might feel more like balance.

Will you join me in letting go of the ideas that work andlife are different and that once you balance everything you’ll be happy?

Release the urge to strive for this and see what happens…

Instead, use your time and energy to think about:

• Why you do what you do each day 
• Who you help (or want to help) 
• How you enjoy using your talents and skills 
• Who (or what) needs a little love

Journal your answers and let your mind flow.  I’d love know what you discover…

If you enjoy this exercise and want to dig further into a process that will help you feel aligned in all that you do, get clear on your core values.  Once you know your core values, you’ll have guiding stars to help you decide where and how to focus your time and energy in all your life decisions (big and small).  Check out Discover Your Values for some fun tools to discover your core values or reach out to me and I’ll help you.

To help you along on your journey and in the spirit of authenticity and inspiration (part of my core values), I’m sharing (in it’s raw, unedited, free-flowing form) what came up for me when I recently reflected on some of these questions, specifically, what I do and why I do it. 

As a simple living and slow travel writer, coach and facilitator,I do what I do to:

• Inspire others…
  • To simplify their homes and lives
  • To declutter
  • To stop being so crazy busy
  • To see opportunities
  • To be creative
  • To be confident
  • To find clarity in the midst of the complexities of life
  • To live joyfully
• Encourage women and girls…
  • to spend time in silence and stillness, checking in on what they want in life and in what they do best and in how they can give to others and share their talents and love with others
• Show women how to find rest and nourishment in simple places in the world
• Retreat with small groups of women to simple places in the world-providing them with the space and opportunities for slowing down
• Show women and girls that anything is possible when you clear the clutter and peel away the excess in your life then get curious, be bold, give generously and spend time in stillness reflecting
• Always be learning but also standing confident in what I already know and in my God-given skills and talents
• Stay open for opportunities that enable me to connect with others who share my values and mission
• Be a giver-giving simple joys to others randomly as I’m inspired to
• Create awareness and share the joys, the “how tos,” the inspiration for slow travel…helping women slow down and see the world while also being kind to the earth
• Enable me to travel…
  • To connect with kind-hearted women
  • To experience other cultures and learn from them
  • To always be humble and generous to those I meet along the way
• Provide me with income to support my family with joy and ease and fulfillment
• To live in abundance

I do all of these things through writing, speaking,leading retreats and workshops, and coaching women individually.

When I stay true to these things, I am fulfilled in all areasof my life…

There’s a whole lot more to who I am and what I do in mypersonal life, but I’ll save that for another time. 

Meanwhile, I wish you much simplicity, joy and fulfillmentin all that you do!