How to Let Go of Commitments Gracefully

Last week I let go of a big commitment.  It was an opportunity that had come my way last year and I was grateful to be welcomed into the role.  I had joined a fun, energetic group of men and women and spent more than a year with them doing work that intrigued me.  It was all good...

I’ve spent the past six summers focusing on slowing down and savoring the few months of warmth, beach time and visits from friends and family.  Some years I’ve achieved this goal fairly well, others, not so much. 

Before each summer begins, I take time to reflect on what worked in previous years and what didn’t.  I know the days will go by fast and that I need to be intentional if I’m going to achieve a slow summer with my kids. 

As I charted out summer camps, visitors, and a couple of workprojects for this summer, it was clear that I was on the verge of committing totoo much.  The resulting “heavy” feelingwasn’t fading, and I knew it was time to reevaluate and make some changes…  It was time to uphold my boundaries and letgo to create space. 

Just as I do with the women with whom I work, I needed to remind myself of my core values.  I needed to use those core values as a filter to choose what stays and what goes.  By focusing on aligning my activities with those core values, I’m more likely arrive at Labor Day feeling a sense of joy and fulfillment.  It’s hard to let go but when you approach it from this perspective, of living in alignment with your core values, it’s much easier. 

It’s important to know that you can’t do it all.  And many commitments may seem aligned with your core values.  But if it still feels like there’s too much on your plate, you’ll have to prioritize each one and choose which to let go.

Here are 6 tips to help you let go of commitments gracefully.

Sleep on it

Sometimes abrupt decisions are helpful.  But for big commitments that you’ve been part of for a while, you’ll want to take your time to make a decision you feel good about.  Sleep on it, then make your decision.

Envision what life will look like without it

When I’m stuck, I like to pretend that the decision has already been made then imagine how I feel.  It’s a safe way to test the waters without actually impacting others.  I play with this vision for a few days or longer to see what it’s like then make my decision to move forward after that.

Make the phone call

Sure, it’s easy to send a text or type a quick email.  But if you truly care about the group you were part of and the commitment you made, you’ll pick up the phone and have the conversation.  It’s not easy.  But after you’ve slept on it and concluded that the benefits of letting go will outweigh the cost of staying, it will be easier to make the call.

Offer alternative options

I came to the call prepared to suggest another individual to take my spot if needed.  I had confirmed this person’s interest and received her approval to share her name.  In order to help the transition go smoothly, if there’s something specific you need to finish, make a plan and set a date to complete it.  Making sure you don’t leave anyone hanging as a result of your choice is the professional, kind thing to do and it will bring you peace with your decision.

Anticipate regret

Immediately after I communicated my decision and hung up the phone, I thought, “Maybe I should have stayed…  It wasn’t really taking up that much of my time and I could still squeeze it into my schedule…”  But after these thoughts came and went, I quickly recalled why I made the decision I did.  I knew I had done what was right for me.  It’s not fair to me or the group to be squeezing in one more thing that I can’t give my full attention to.

Continue to support and champion the group

While I knew I couldn’t stay on in a reduced capacity (I’man all-in type of person), I will continue to answer questions or be a resourceif they need me.  I’ll also be anadvocate for their group when it comes up in conversations with others.

Only you can decide what feels aligned with who you are and what you love.  Your core values are powerful guides to decision making and living an intentional life.  Listen to your heart and course correct when necessary. 

Don’t stick with something “just because.”  Don’t keep doing things you don’t absolutely love because you’re afraid you’ll let others down.  No one wins when you’re not showing up enthusiastically as your best.  Take your time, give yourself grace, and you’ll make well thought through decisions that you feel good about.